Portrait of an Emotional Abuser: The Silent Treatment Abuser/ Dr. Gregory Jantz’s Blog

http://protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com/2014/04/25/portrait-of-an-emotional-abuser-the-silent-treatment-abuser-dr-gregory-jantzs-blog/

” By not verbally expressing that anger, by “avoiding” showing anger, the abuser is allowed to feel as if the victim is the only person at fault for whatever wrong is perceived by the abuser.” Dr. Gregory Jantz

Sylvia entered the quiet house. When she had pulled up in the driveway after work, she hadn’t seen any lights on in the

front of the house, but Jim’s car was parked in its normal place. So he was home. It meant he was in the den at the back of the house instead of in the living room. What have I done now? she thought to herself?

Jim always retreated to the den when he was mad at her. The more she bothered him and tried to find out what was wrong, the longer he would stay inside, not speaking to her. It was best if she just went about her business in the house as quietly as possible, trying to stay out of his way and waiting for him to either snap out of it or blow up and tell her what she had done wrong. She couldn’t force him to respond, and over the years she had gotten used to his behavior.

No discussion of emotional abuse through words would be complete without including the absence of words as a form of abuse. This is commonly known as the “silent treatment.” Abusers punish their victims by refusing to speak to them or even acknowledge their presence. Through silence, the abusers loudly communicate their displeasure, anger, frustration, or disappointment.

Depending on the person, this silent treatment can last for hours, days, or weeks. For some abusers, it is a preferred method of communication because of its ability to humiliate and control the victim. It is used most effectively by those in close relationship, such as a spouse, parent, or child. The silence, the loss of verbal relationship, is meant to exact an emotional toll on the other person, who often will go to great lengths to attempt to restore communication with the abuser.

This level of control is precisely what the abuser is looking for, as well as a way to vent his or her anger at the other person.

By not verbally expressing that anger, by “avoiding” showing anger, the abuser is allowed to feel as if the victim is the only person at fault for whatever wrong is perceived by the abuser. If the victim responds to the silent treatment with anger, the abuser is doubly vindicated.
The above is excerpted from chapter 4 in Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Dr. Gregory Jantz.

PMA International’s Official Response to Various Misunderstandings About PMA

PMA INTL Guardian Of Truth



Dear Protective Mothers, Advocates, and Supporters;

We have recently been made aware of some comments on the internet involving PMA International , and we wish to respond. PMA International is issuing this statement to address misunderstandings about PMA, and to continue expressing our support to those struggling with family court abuse, corruption, and DV by Proxy issues.

Statement 1:
PMA International refuses to acknowledge that mothers and women can also be abusers.

PMA International Responds:

PMA INTL is very clear about this issue, which has been addressed on our blog and website describing our No Abuse Zone Policy . See below

“PMA International recognizes that there are different types of abuse and abusers are not gender specific”

For the rest of our No Abuse Zone Policy please visit:

http://protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com/2014/03/28/pma-internationals-no-abuse-zone-policy/

Statement 2:

There is” bickering, ” “in fighting”,” arguing” and “war” in the Mother’s Movement between PMA, Lundy Bancroft, Janice Levinson, and AMPP/ Claudine Dombrowski. It’s been stated that what is happening between the two organizations is a “turf war” or one organization excoriating the other. This statement has also been addressed on our blog ( see below)

PMA Responds:
PMA INTL has been under attack for 4 years by Claudine Dombrowski, and AMPP . The nature of these attack includes cyberstalking, identity theft, threatening the life of the Executive Director Janice Levinson and is clearly the dynamic of an abuser stalking it’s victim.

“PMA INTL wants to be very clear that there is no” bickering, ” “in fighting”,” arguing” “war” or any other word that might imply mutuality about this AMPP issue. This is a common misconception about this sad situation. This is a very clear case of abuser and target This is the epitome of cyber bullying. PMA never responds in kind to these attacks, PMA in no way initiates these attacks. Understand these attacks have been going on for four years. PMA does not create hate sights targeting protective mothers, for abuse. This is a VERY IMPORTANT distinction that must be made.”

For the rest of this official PMA INTL.statement please visit;

http://protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com/2013/07/31/the-mothers-movements-dirty-little-secret-abusers-within/
In addition, is is very important to note that Claudine and AMPP have launched similar attacks on other protective mothers/advocates that are not PMA members or affiliated with PMA International. Because of PMA’s no abuse zone policy ( see above) we do not work with abusers, and thus do not work with AMPP or any of Claudine Dombrowski/ AMPP’s supporters or promoters.

Statement 3:
PMA INTL has been falsely accused of profiting off the Moms, these are statements made from both Claudine and from father’s rights organizations.

PMA INTL Responds:
PMA INTL is an all-volunteer grassroots organization. We do not get funding from any source. We do not charge membership fees. All of our events and projects are free of cost for anyone who wishes to join, and participate. We welcome all Protective Mothers and Supporters to be a PMA International Member/Supporter, for more information please visit: http://protectivemothersalliance.wordpress.com/protective-mothersadvocates-interested-in-joining-pma-international-the-process/

Statement 4:
It has been stated that PMA INTL believes all men are abusers.

PMA Responds:
Our co-founder is Lundy Bancroft, who has offered his male perspective as well as his professional expertise to our organization. We also have created a network called, Man Up for Moms (M.U.M.). M.U.M is headed by a male PMA International Administrator, Greg Sanders. Some of PMA Intl’s other networks include , adult children who are victims of family court abuse and DV by Proxy. This network is called Hear Us Now (H.U.N.) which is headed by Samantha Williams. A large number of PMA’s Administrators, State Leaders, International Leaders and Member/Supporters have sons—and we offer our love and support equally to our sons as we do to our daughters.

PMA INTL is not against fathers; we are against abusive fathers, just as we are against abusive mothers. This is the heart of our No Abuse Zone policy.

Although our specialty and mission statement is working with abused mothers, this not mean that we have an agenda against men, or that we are anti-father or that we are blind to the fact that women and mothers can be abusers too. Just like PMA Intl. understands, there are many organizations helping men but PMA International does not believe all those organizations hate women or are anti-mom; their specialty is just about helping men.

In our experience, there are many groups helping fathers but few helping abused mothers in family court. PMA INTL is an organization that consists of volunteer protective mothers and because of our experience, we saw a need, and decided to step up and help abused mothers and their children.

Statement 5
It has been stated that Lundy Bancroft is only involved in the Mother’s Movement for the money, and that he lacks qualifications to help moms.

PMA INTL. Responds:
Lundy has twenty years of experience specializing in interventions for abusive men and their families. He has also authored many book and scholarly articles. Most important Lundy is a former Co-Director of Emerge, the nation’s first counseling program for men who batter. He has worked with over a thousand abusers directly as an intervention counselor, and has served as clinical supervisor on another thousand cases. He has also served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness in domestic violence and child abuse cases. Lundy appears across the United States as a presenter for judges and other court personnel, child protective workers, therapists, law enforcement officials, and other audiences. for more information about Lundy’s experience see below.

http://www.lundybancroft.com/
Thank you for your time, we appreciate your support. We look forward to continuing our work together for the sake of our children!

PMA International; a family of advocates.